Arriving In Paradise

Well, it's not really Paradise, because then I'd truly be home and there'd be no tears. I've actually arrived at the next stage in grieving, the actual sadness. Sort of a mess in my head, looking back at everything with sentiment and fondness. Even if I couldn't wait to leave it all behind a month ago. Including my house. job. car.....

I remember I wanted a fresh start and now I'm thinking why? A fresh start is freakin hard work. And I already worked really hard for what I had before. 

BUT, I know it's what comes with the time of this season, it's just a little bit on freak out mode!!! AHHHH!

To be honest, some of that fondness comes from the fact that I really did have a nice home and job, and wonderful family and friends near. It's not like I was wanting to leave those things behind. I LOVED those things. I just wanted the promise of what could be. 

The reality is: what could be, could still be a while coming...

If we admit it, "what could be" can only be found if we are willing to try something new!

LIKE THIS MANGOSTEEN! Which was awesome, BTW. And I was so glad my husband brought it home to try.

This is what it looks like unscathed

You gently knead it in your hands until the harder outer surface becomes pliable, softens and can be pulled away.

Revealing the sweetest, most lovely fruit inside, that no one would've found, had they not been willing to try something new! It's amazing, if you were wondering. May this journey find me to be better than I appeared from the start...

Goodbyes

now you see me

I prefer to say goodbye one at a time, in small groups rather than a huge blowout party. I prefer to spend my last moments with a person talking about our lives and enjoying their company for this last time, "until we meet again."

I prefer my last memory to be looking at wedding photos, as we pack a box of keepsakes away from my lovely cape cod home. I prefer a final memory of us girls giggling as we deliriously stay up too tired and worn out trying to get the final kitchen pieces into a box. I prefer the memory of good friends praying over our journey and crying with us over the separation we are about to endure. I prefer a good laugh and a nice drink with intimate friends. I prefer a hug and a kind word to tell them how much they are special to me.

There are many ways to say goodbye, and I have always preferred to think "until we meet again." This dictates how I react emotionally and I assume can be misinterpreted.

I assume this way of handling goodbyes comes from deep losses in my life. The first was at age twelve, when I lost my father. Of course, it's hard to really accept and cope with such a profound emptiness in my life right when a girl needs her dad most, a preteen. The following years would prove to be a lot of wandering and avoiding relationships all together, just to keep from having to feel anymore pain. As I was sure the pain already there left room for no other. (The future would prove me wrong on that again and again)

I've since abandoned the distant life, in as much as I actually try to have relationships. Even though I am convinced myself, that I'm awkward at it, and no one else really enjoys it....another underlying issue that comes from loss.

So, I say goodbye with a hint of how much someone truly meant to ME lingering on my lips and in my actions. And just enough of an easy attitude that there's no awkwardness, if the sentiment isn't returned.

(Bear in mind this is coming from someone who had a hard time crying at my own father's funeral. Mostly because I didn't even reach the sadness yet. I was still hovering in the anger over such loss and disappointment stage. I linger in this awhile. I'm slow to move on in grieving stages. Anyone who's lived life with me through a loss, could tell you the same.)

Aloha
now you don't

Love and Loss

Most everyone can relate. Sometimes it hurts too much to love. Too much because of the loss when those you have, are gone. Death comes in so many forms. Tonight I'm reflecting on so many loves I've lost. It's quite powerful to realize how many I've loved so deeply in this lifetime already, and how more are lost from my life than left. Those who never understood how to love back, or who moved forward with life, those who hurt too much to love, and those who came to the end of their own journey of love and loss.

God sure writes a beautifully tragic story but He's the master of the climax and I can count on a happy ending this time! No doubt!

I find myself in a place where I'm viewing life in a different way than I have ever before. Some of this is because of a simple sentence spoken by a man, John Bentley, one day in June 2009. "We only have this one life, live it well" Maybe it's because my Granny died last year, and it's been 13 years since something like that's happened in my life. Some of its definitely because a man named Kris recently died and affected my family in a way only God can understand. Some of its because this 20 something, Joshua, battled cancer repeatedly for the better part of last year, and hasn't been able to experience marriage and parenthood yet. Much of it is definitely because beautiful, brave women like Anya, Jenn, Shell, Anna, Myra and others have been a part of my life these last few years. And some of it is due to others I do not have in my ife, but can hardly speak nor type some names, that pain is still great.

God has used all these events to shape my view of life, and in this moment I am sad and also quite overjoyed to be shown, that we all must seize each day, and each opportunity as a gift. I no longer want to waste my life. I didn't really even realize the extent of waste I had. But what I do know, is I want to make a difference in this Life, this World. Not for fame, because it won't be a big, massive, well publicized event. It will be individually, one moment, personal relationship, day at a time. It will be because I truly realize how little I am, how I utterly need God, and how great He absolutely is. I want others to know this, to feel this, to hear this. I will do my best to love, in spite of the loss that inevitably will come one way or another.

So, I am preparing to take a big leap. A leap of faith, and yet it's a peaceful decision. This decision will surely lead to loss, and this time it will be because of my choices, and not others moving on in life. So, for the first time I am seeing loss from the other side! It's a much truer loss than I had known. But not all will be lost, and those that I will forever remain faithful to will be in the journey with me. I can't wait to see what God has in store for Pat, I and the girls!

Be glad for us, pray for us, and if God ever makes our paths cross again, PLEASE let us make time for one another, because life is short, and we must make the most of every day He gives us!

Not an Arbitrary Date

August 31th, 2006

A deciding day! A day that marked irrevocable change! A day that brought years of weeping and longing and sorrow! And a day that began the most treasured journey in my lifetime!!!

This was the day that our first official documents were "logged-in" as being received in China, and when we were legally recognized as petitioning to adopt a child from China. We knew little about what journey was in store for us. Oh we thought it looked pretty predictable and did not see the surprises that would come down in these following years...such is the story of my life.

Today is the day that all those parents waiting for their precious, longed-for children since 8/31/2006, will see their first glimpse through a picture of their child. The first real tangible evidence that this is REALLY going to happen. They are becoming parents, some for the first time, some again. Some left the wait line to join another one, as in our case; to complete another adoption. Some were forced out of the program, because let's face it who keeps their life the same after 6 years. Many of those, fell victim to cancer, or divorce, or loss of jobs, all of which disqualifies the prospective parents.

I am so very happy to know today that although the attrition rate was HUGE, going from Thousands to mere hundreds over the years, at least 20 families stayed the course over the 6 years and are in a state of awe and wonder over the image of the precious little life they will be blessed to raise as their child today.

For all the tears and joy of life, THIS is a moment to be celebrated and I congratulate you all for your commitment to your new child. Blessings and peace to you as you walk forward in this beautiful journey.

Is this reality?

Today, I found myself implementing the techniques of a call radio talk-show host. If you ever find yourself wanting to get back in touch with humanity, take a call center job. I don't really work in a call center, but a portion of my work results from incoming calls form the public. And let me tell you, they are informative, if nothing else. About the general attitude of the masses; the entitlements assumed by our culture; the overall discourse of the American; the great multitude of ignorance which masks our insufficiency by placing the blame always on the other person, usually conveyed through displaced anger. And the poor person, in this case girl, on the other end just has to be the recipient of all the hate and wrath that anyone wants to dish out when I say "Hello, how can I help you?" with my smiling voice.

And I have to pretend that being treated with such malice by complete strangers means nothing to mean and I am still so happy to hear about their every woe. And somehow I have to return to my loved ones and not feel hurt and defensive of human contact after enduring 10 hours of intermittent cruelty.

A lot of times I fail at this kindness and patience part of it that I think would be the Godly character I should be portraying. Because on the outside, I am nice to these people. But my mind has conversations with them that my tongue does not. Like today, when this woman was telling all about her frustrations with her tenant which she kept (unsubstantiated) accusing the root of the problem to be the other party "whom she suspects is mentally challenged." All the while, I am speaking in my mind. "Lady, I think you're the one who's mentally challenged." I mean she couldn't get to any real point as to why she made the phone call and she was talking about everything but what had to do with my job. So finally, I thought of this tactic I hear frequently when listening to the radio, when people go off on their rants....."Do you have a question for me?" "So what is your question today?" .....

And I find myself realizing that people treat random phone calls as outlets of stress. I guess it's much easier to scream at a stranger who handles address changes that "LIFE SUCKS and I'M BROKE" and proceed to tell me intimate details about alcohol problems, lost jobs, health conditions and the like. And this makes me sad, because I wonder if so many people are that alone in the world, and I realize that this is proof that YES there are.

So, I leave with this thought:

Make your relationships matter and talk to someone you care about today.

And maybe the guy scheduling your car maintenance won't have to spend 30 minutes of his day being tormented by wrath that comes from all the tragedies your life has seen. And he won't go home frustrated to his family and not want to be bothered by them. Maybe he'll spend some time on his relationships instead, because his view of people won't be tainted by the multitude of destructive interactions that leave him wanting to retreat.

Oh and if you call me, please be nice!

A 4 Year-olds Bucket List...

1) To be a MOM

2) Ride on a Ferris Wheel

3) Take Ballet lessons

4) Swing on a zip-line in the rainforest

5) spend time on a tropical beach

Some of the things she has been able to cross off her bucket list this year...

riding a horse,

learning to swim,

and almost number 3, but the horrible instructor was too like a German prison guard for my liking, or LuLu's....

We will again attempt to do this!

Looking at this, I find that her bucket list isn't all that different than mine.

It is what it IS

This photo seems to encompass the daily dynamics of "Cupcake Superhero" and "Pixie Dust." A semi-tolerant stance by the little, of the ridiculously bossy big sister. Sometimes, it can get crazy but mostly it's a crazy normal. You know, the kind of crazy you eventually accept as normalcy when you realize perfection is not a reality and that you really can't do much to change that.

I'm slowly getting there, with many areas of this ever changing story....but I do believe the truth that would've done us all service since childhood is this:
CRAZY IS NORMAL!

NORMAL people turn out to be serial killers...

The GIFT of ADOPTION

I was recently asked to reflect on life with our newest addition. Sweet Ruby!

I answered multiple questions about our views, our family, the differences since bringing Ruby home to us. This was a great exercise in taking time to meditate on the changes and why I began the journey of adoption that really started when I was just a child.

Here are some of my answers:

Q: "What does the Gift of Adoption mean to you and your family?"

A: A while back I heard a story somewhere where an adopted child was being teased that "they were adopted", and the young child's comeback was, "SO, my parents CHOSE me!" Implying to the other child that this was somehow special to be chosen into a family. Ever since, this is the view I've taken in how I address adoption. It really is a special gift to be chosen. We all want to be chosen. For a team, for a mate, for a friend. But that someone came and said, "I want you; to be my cherished child" is a gift, and I want my children to see this as a positive. So at the young ages of 2 and 4, when my toddlers ask what it is to be adopted, I tell them it means they were chosen special for our family. And that means they are loved and special to us!

Q: "Can you tell us about some special moments with your child over the first six months with her?"

A: I think the most enjoyable time we had together as a family this year came the week before I was to return to work after maternity leave. We went as a family to stay the week at a cabin on the beach, and just to see the pure delight and complete satisfaction in everyone in the simple pleasure that comes from the sand, water and wind gave me great peace about where God has brought us and what He has made our family. I know this summer was Ruby's first time at the beach, and we enjoyed 3 short trips this past summer.
This is the larger memory of a time well spent, but my real joy comes from the day to day. I never cease to be filled with this joy when I see my sweet girls working out life's differences. At the end of working it out, comes this conversation each time: "I'm sorry", "I forgive you" followed by big hugs of great sincerity and bright smiles on their faces. For they know they are loved, and they know that love means acceptance, and forgiveness, no matter what!

Here are a couple excerpts of other things I had to say about Ruby:

- My most favorite thing she says when I hold her is "my BABY", indicating that she knows that she is "MY baby"

- Mostly, her quietness has worn off and she loves to dance and sing. She always has a smile on her face! And she always has!

Hold and Release

I was thinking how often I hold onto things and how hard it is to let go of it all. The guilt, the shame, the hurt, the broken heart, the dreams that never came. How much of life and time and thoughts are caught up in the idea of trying to still fix that one thing. Make it what I wished it could be.

I really like to write and even more so now that I realize I am not the Author of my own story. There's a lot of frustration that comes with that. Because I learned as a child that your life is what you make it, you can choose this or that and that determines who you'll be. This can only be true in a life without relationships. You add another person to the story (by relationship) and you have very little control and NOW the story is not only your own story. Writing helps me escape and work through my own story. Don't get me wrong, there are very beautiful parts of my story. But the truth is: I really HATE to live my story! (Although my fellow book club members can all tell you I love a good Tragedy! Why? "Because that's real, THAT I can relate to. Happy endings are easy writing, and I guess always just out of reach for me.)

My story is full of pain and sorrow. Of broken relationships, utter heartbreak, cruelty and selfishness. I hate that it's what I have to live because of the brokenness of what this world is, in opposition to what it was meant to be. That I strive to somehow FIX this brokenness through my own devise is bewildering, I know. But somehow, I manage to forget continually that the dream I have to make this life of mine, IS NOT FOR THIS LIFE. It is the dream that is for the LIFE beyond...

I know, this is sad, right? Sorrow beyond sorrow. And so I strive to hold onto what I hope for, refuse to not give up on, and still somehow gain that ability to release what is lost, and can never be. And I struggle with the wisdom to know which to do and I struggle with giving up all the control. Yet, in reality, I never truly had any control. Now did I?

"There is a fine line between cuddling, and holding someone down so they can't get away." -unknown

Sometimes we must change to see what we had hoped for

The Giant Forest
an original bedtime story told to LuLu, by Kristy Day



Past the golden fields glistening in the sun; beyond the flowing rivers ripe with jumping fish; through the flowering meadows of wildflowers lies the vastness of the Giant Forest. A forest of trees so large you can hardly see the skies, lush with leaves of green.

Where one lone caterpillar spends his days with a full belly. But he is never satisfied. Day and night he's in search of another one like him. He asks the owls, "can you fly over the trees to see if there is another like me?" But the owl says, "this forest is too big, I cannot fly high enough." He asks the squirrels, "can you climb to the highest point in the forest and tell me if you see another one like me?" And the squirrel says, "I cannot climb that high." He even wakes the sleeping giant. "Have you ever see another like me?" "even I cannot see above these Giant trees," answers the Giant.

But in all the searching, not one other animal has ever seen another like him.

After searching with all his might, the lone caterpillar loses hope. He sits on a giant leaf and thinks of all the leaves he has to eat in this great green forest. He thinks of how lovely it would be if only he could share it with other caterpillars, and the thought makes him sad. Because even with all that he has, it really means nothing without being able to share it with others...

And the caterpillar begins to cry at this very sad thought. And the more he looks out at the endless, giant leaves, the more he sobs. Hour upon hour, he sobs and sobs. Until his body begins to feel heavy. His eyes are heavy and his body is weary. And he gives in to the deep sleep that such sadness brings.

He sleeps for many days and the sleep is peaceful and the sleep is good.

But when he finally stirs from his slumber, he begins to panic. For darkness has surrounded him, and he does not know where he is. He is frightened at this and he begins to move. He violently kicks and pushes all around him; something is trapping him in the darkness. He is trapped and he can't see, and he is kicking and kicking and kicking.

Then Suddenly a ray of golden sun beams through the darkness. And he fights even more, and he is no longer scared; he is excited! His heart is jumping for the hope of what the light means! Freedom!

And as he breaks free, he leaps with joy. He leaps so hard he shoots straight up to the sky. He realizes the ease in which he flies through air. And he begins to look around him. What he sees is beautiful, colorful wings surrounding him. They are his! And now he is flying above the forest of trees! And all around him are others like him. A rainbow of colors surround him. Beautiful creatures with bright, delicate wings!

The treetops are full of butterflies! And he is happy!

Flip-flop world

One broken heart mending,
an impossibility has found hope,
this girl does not see the same face in the mirror,
and a year has changed everything.

Even to read my last post I hardly recognize the me in it. That great faith and excitement; the endless possibilities in which I believed. But OH, how I want to believe.

Who is this one I see; this me? All I know; all that I can see, is: "O but for the grace of God go I"

And I wonder where to go from here...
for I fear that what I know I must be,
may be just too hard for me.

I would love to spend the hours of solitude, the meditation and prayer, trapped inside. Like the monks in this pagoda...




And what shall become of me? What do I see? How can it be? That You my God should die for me...?

Blessings from Friends

I think we have some the most loving friends in life! The constant outpouring to us in this whole process of adoption has caused me to evaluate myself continually. I realize that I am often inadequate in loving others so graciously and hope that my friends can forgive me for not being more like Jesus everyday. I am thankful that God is teaching me to more mindful of His ways in these days as our family strives to live unto His will and to love with His mercy and grace.
Recently we received our first update of Ruby, one picture and a few sentences, and updated measurements, which is the first we've gotten in 3 months from China! Sweet precious child we know so little about, yet love so completely! Recently the wait is taking a toll on the whole family unit. Lulu cries for Ruby sometimes too; it must be hard to go to sleep in a room that now hold an extra bed in the anticipation of baby sister, and no real concept of "soon". Which is all we can really tell her when she wonder when we'll go. This is the most hard part of it all. My sorrow in waiting I can understand, my precious daughter's longing for a sister is very difficult to bear.

Our Documents are now in China, hand-delivered today! And part 1 of 3 is over, with the anticipation of part 2 just beginning. I have to reflect on the love of God's people for this process of loving a child halfway around the world and supporting us to bring her home. We have had 5 fundraisers, all offered by our loving Church family, aside from the Chip-in widget that will expire soon. A total of Gifts through the Church and fundraising has now broke over $6000 and we can never express the gratitude we feel. I only hope one day I can help another person in their desire to adopt one day!!!

I will say that I have never felt so completely unconditionally loved by such kindness in my life. This is an amazing gift that has forever changed my life. Ruby's life being entwined with ours will no doubt bless us more than we could imagine, as LuLu's proved to do. Let's thank the Father, for such great love and provision of His children!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11 (NIV)

Do you know what LuLu means in Mandarin??? It's a wish for the future: meaning "with this child may you prosper". We have indeed prospered with this precious gift of LuLu.

Multiplying; Being Encouraged

I mentioned this to my FB peeps, but felt it deserved a post of its own. Last Friday, I was updating our costs and contributions spreadsheet we keep for our adoption process, and could hardly believe the results. We started the process to adopt Ruby on the desire to continue to grow our family and the belief that God was again leading toward adoption; knowing that we would need to rely wholly on God's provision for this.
I remember telling Pat, "we'll get our tax returns; it'll be like $5000 to start with; it's more than we had when we started to adopt LuLu." Both of us knowing full well, that we had $1200 to start our 1st adoption, and the total came to just over $23000. It also took years to complete, and by God's grace and provision Pat lost his job in the meantime, and we were able to cash out his 401K!!! The amount need to raise then, ended up being more like $5000. This time? This time we knew we'd need to raise $18000 from day one, and would have more like 7 months at most, rather than the 3 years for LuLu. We leaped and decide to see how God's work would unfold in our lives.
It was a revelation to look at these numbers on Friday! (our tax returns by the way surprised us at coming back at $7000 rather than 5, first sign of things to come) Every bit of that went into a separate acct. used only for adoption funds, and every dollar raised has also been put into that acct. But I also would write checks for the smaller things from our personal account if it looked like we could handle it. $20 here for Passport Photos, $15 there for document sealing, etc. Well, upon looking at the spreadsheet, we have somehow managed to pay $8849 in fees already. We have $5610 left in our adoption account for upcoming costs which are estimated to be a minimum of $16,511. So if my numbers are right....a minimum of $10,901 is left to raise. (this is also hoping we can get at least one ticket at half price with miles, and that flights and hotels are at the lower end during the season we travel.)
I am reminded at this time of how Jesus fed the people with the Fish and Loaves. He took what we could only see as an insufficient amount and provided such amazing provision for the obviously large need of His people at the time. Practically right before our eyes, yet without us realizing, He multiplied and it is proof of His faithfulness.

My verse for the day:
Joshua 1:9 (New International Version)

9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Thank you for the love of this process which you all have show in so many tangible ways!

Waiting, Trusting, Hoping in Him

A difficult week and still waiting for answers. The Adoption process is unique every time, every situation, and one thing all parents who've been through it know, is that all we can do is, Wait, Hope and Trust in Him. We can do nothing more. I have heard so many stories of hang-ups and errors and lost papers, I can't count them all. We have had a recent week of this. Just when we were thinking we were so close, an error was discovered on our Home Study last week, and we are waiting for it to be amended and will do our best to complete the 2 processes already done (incorrectly) from this Home Study. We are waiting on our Social Worker again. And Trusting our Agency has a good plan of attack, and Hoping this does not cause even further delays in getting Ruby. If ever our family needs prayer, this is one of those times!

A Crazy Day

Yesterday,
It really started on Wednesday. We had a lot of issues with getting our Home Study report in our hands. And I finally got it yesterday! Praise God! I picked up the Report in person, because after 7 weeks of delays and excuses from our Social Worker, I was not going to give him a chance to delay again. LuLu and I drove to Puyallup for that. Then, we drove to Olympia to have part 1 of the sealing process done. Then, of course, I had to give LuLu some play time, and she was such a good girl! We enjoyed the Hands-on Museum in Oly. thanks to the Birthday money my MIL sent. Exactly $13 left for that. I previously spent the other on 2 lattes and a ferry ride from Seattle. This was a true treat, as I haven't had spending $ for a while. Pocket $$ is the best gift!
After we arrived home, I was preparing all the documents to send to San Francisco for Part 2 of the sealing process, and OH NO! there is a very crucial error on the Home Study's seal. Which I just came home from sealing!
God is so good. I called 10 min. before the agent I spoke with was leaving to catch a bus to Gig Harbor. Where she offered to meet me 1/2 way. (LuLu's only been sleeping for 1/2 hr at this point, and I wake her in 20 min. to leave to Gig Harbor,) After a stop at the P.O. to pick up other documents that had been attempted delivery earlier in the day. I meet her, she does her thing, and leaves. I look down at the Doc. she put on my seat, and OH NO! it still has the same mistake!!!! I get her to come back and she can't believe it! She leaves with the document in hand. The plan: to overnight it to me today. I leave, and next thing you know someone's following me, and frantically honking. It's her! She waves me back. We go back to meeting point, and she tells me, she just "re-attached the old seal", and she is now re-sealing with the correct seal. LuLu and I leave Gig Harbor and 6:20 and meet my fabulous parents in P.O at a mexican cafe. They offer to drive in, and treat us because of my most trying day. Praise God. I cannot imagine making dinner and cleaning at this point! I already got up just past 6 a.m. and cleaned so I wouldn't have to....please God give me some rest. Well, it's all over now! Documents are in the mail to S.F. to arrive tomorrow! Just Laugh! I did! I can cry. And I can get angry! But if I laugh, I can rejoice in the midst of trial! I put this picture of Ruby up, because this reminds me why I do it all!!!
** Update: The Easter Breakfast Fundraiser raised $1,918 dollars, and a very sweet child donated her $20 birthday money ("for Ruby", she said)!!!! It's humbling to learn to receive from such giving hearts. We are blessed by God so fully in your love and sacrifice, my heart is forever softer with each act of love for Ruby, pretty soon I won't ever be able to stop crying. (tears of joy or Praise to our King who always sustains us) Thank you!

Package #2 to Ruby, and more funds

We just sent off another "small" package to Ruby today, with a spring dress, socks, hat and hair pretties. Pat was laughing and did not think I could cram it in that small of a package! I would've sent more, but didn't want the kind person carrying it to give up anymore room in her luggage!

My mom has also committed to come to China with us to help with the transition this time. Which I am thrilled about! She will have to provide her own way, and it is hard that we can't provide the way for her, but I am totally thankful she is willing and able!

Since our last post we've had some funds come in. We are now at $2,315 raised, and $16,045 left toward our goal. My sweet Granny also gave us a vehicle, and so we will be selling Pat's very cool Truck!!! Since that's not an actual figure, we are not counting that until sold. But we praise God all the same as Granny was praying for a way to help us, and we had suddenly realized we needed a different car for Pat to fit the girls in. It is not easy to give up the truck; it's very convenient to have one, but we will do what is required. No Question!!!!

LuLu is so excited for Ruby, and continues to be sure that we ask in these words when we pray: "Soon, fly to Ruby, soon" Jesus!

There is a Waffle/Pancake Breakfast after Sunrise Service on Easter morning at Seaside (8 am) if you'd like to come. This is the next fundraiser scheduled! Thanks to you lovelies that had the ideas, purpose and preparedness to do this so quickly for Ruby. Love to you all!

Title of my Blog

I was remembering why I chose this title for my blog initially. I was thinking how when we decided to adopt from China, that it was only by the grace of God that that I wasn't a mother in China having to abandon their child because the government didn't afford me that right. Or that it was only by the grace of God that I wasn't a mother existing in such poverty, who had to leave her child in the care of strangers in hopes that they could provide her life-saving medical care. And that it was only by the grace of God that I was not the child born into such poverty or born with an immediate need for medical attention.
I was also thinking, that it is only by the grace of God that I could be that new mother to such a precious child born under these conditions. That it is only by His grace that the funds, and home and family structure could be provided to her through our family. Because where we are and what we have is all by His grace. And I knew, that I could not come up with the provision myself, I knew that. By I knew that He still asked me to be there, and I will have to trust Him in it all.
This is an early picture of Ruby (known in her group foster home as Mary). It shows a bit more of the reality of how much need there was early on in her life. I am so thankful for God's grace to give her a foster home to help her become healthy, but they cannot be her family. She arrived there with obvious signs of malnourishment, hence the large patches of hair missing and frail, thin body. I hesitated to show this. I thought maybe it'd be too much, but I realize now it's important to show the reality of it. This is how we first saw Ruby! This is her true life experience! It is His grace that redeems us every day in our own lives. Adoption has taught me the most about God's character than all the years I've live before.

Happy Birthday Ruby!!!!!

We're one step closer to "fly to Ruby", as LuLu like to say! Happy first birthday precious one! Your family loves you so very much! We will come soon, and you will not celebrate another birthday without us.

We just completed our last Home Visit with our Social Worker! Piece of CAKE!

Now to enjoy homemade Pizza, salad and birthday cake all for you Ruby! God made you perfect and knew your every day before you even breathed your first breath! He will be with you always; he has a plan for your life.

Package sent to Mei Mei (baby sister)

LuLu's been down with a cold and fever for the last week so this was later than I wanted. But we got to shop yesterday for MeiMei's birthday and mailed her package today! It was very hard not to be with LuLu on her first birthday and it's harder still with "Mary", not knowing how soon we can get there, and so many obstacles still to overcome. I am so grateful to those who've shown
us their commitment to help us bring her home! My trust is being stretched once again, as when I can't see an end, it's hard to keep walking the path. The package will likely arrive after her Birthday, on Sunday. We will celebrate as a family with Cupcakes, LuLu's choice. And also by having our final Home visit with the social worker. Then it's on to waiting for his report to apply to immigration ($830).
Hoping that tax returns will arrive as stated, as we have put a hefty fee on the credit card, and need to pay that by March 10, I think. It's one of the 2 fees we can put on our credit card. It was good that we could, so we could keep moving forward, but still need to pay it when due.
The girls have set the Scrapbooking Crop Date to March 6, 2010 Saturday, 9am-4pm. Let me know if interested. I'll get you connected. The cost is $30 and it is fully catered. I have not been told the outcome of the first fundraiser yet, but will post when that's available. Thanks for all the support so far. We have raise $175.00 through the chip-in on Facebook and our blog! So we have a total of $175 raise total to-date.
** update- the Valentine's Baby-sitting fundraiser raised $160, Thanks to Abby and Brytt :) we've had another donation of $60, and I recently sold my Ipod Shuffle on Ebay for $50.00. This brings the total raised to date to: $445

2 Fundraisers in the Works

Some friends of ours (Abby & Brytt) have one fundraiser scheduled for this Saturday. They are offering babysitting for couples to bring their children down to the Seaside Church Building on Sat. February 13th from 6-8:30, so that they can have a date night for Valentine's Day!
Also, Tanna & Bridget (along with some other recruits, still in the works) are planning a fully catered Scrapbook Crop for a Saturday in March. The date has not been chosen yet, but I'm sure they will do it shortly. These girls are amazing and I just wanted to get the word out. If anyone's interested in this, let me know and I'll pass on the info. to you so you can come!
I put a new picture of "Mary" (that's her name in her foster home) up for you to enjoy! She's so precious, isn't she?