Most everyone can relate. Sometimes it hurts too much to love. Too much because of the loss when those you have, are gone. Death comes in so many forms. Tonight I'm reflecting on so many loves I've lost. It's quite powerful to realize how many I've loved so deeply in this lifetime already, and how more are lost from my life than left. Those who never understood how to love back, or who moved forward with life, those who hurt too much to love, and those who came to the end of their own journey of love and loss.
God sure writes a beautifully tragic story but He's the master of the climax and I can count on a happy ending this time! No doubt!
I find myself in a place where I'm viewing life in a different way than I have ever before. Some of this is because of a simple sentence spoken by a man, John Bentley, one day in June 2009. "We only have this one life, live it well" Maybe it's because my Granny died last year, and it's been 13 years since something like that's happened in my life. Some of its definitely because a man named Kris recently died and affected my family in a way only God can understand. Some of its because this 20 something, Joshua, battled cancer repeatedly for the better part of last year, and hasn't been able to experience marriage and parenthood yet. Much of it is definitely because beautiful, brave women like Anya, Jenn, Shell, Anna, Myra and others have been a part of my life these last few years. And some of it is due to others I do not have in my ife, but can hardly speak nor type some names, that pain is still great.
God has used all these events to shape my view of life, and in this moment I am sad and also quite overjoyed to be shown, that we all must seize each day, and each opportunity as a gift. I no longer want to waste my life. I didn't really even realize the extent of waste I had. But what I do know, is I want to make a difference in this Life, this World. Not for fame, because it won't be a big, massive, well publicized event. It will be individually, one moment, personal relationship, day at a time. It will be because I truly realize how little I am, how I utterly need God, and how great He absolutely is. I want others to know this, to feel this, to hear this. I will do my best to love, in spite of the loss that inevitably will come one way or another.
So, I am preparing to take a big leap. A leap of faith, and yet it's a peaceful decision. This decision will surely lead to loss, and this time it will be because of my choices, and not others moving on in life. So, for the first time I am seeing loss from the other side! It's a much truer loss than I had known. But not all will be lost, and those that I will forever remain faithful to will be in the journey with me. I can't wait to see what God has in store for Pat, I and the girls!
Be glad for us, pray for us, and if God ever makes our paths cross again, PLEASE let us make time for one another, because life is short, and we must make the most of every day He gives us!
